I woke up this morning thinking about Presidential candidate Donald Trump and the way it used to be in America. I was recalling those days when America was still the envy of the world. It seemed we had more of everything then, didn’t it? And not just more, but life was somehow richer and shinier. Damn close to perfection really. And so clean and hopeful everywhere with straight White men as Presidents. That wasn’t racism; it was just common sense. And tradition. The way the Founding Fathers had wanted it.

As for me Wednesday is my day off. I like to do absolutely nothing on Wednesdays but reminisce. And watch episodes on Netflix of “Mad Men” that show us how it was in the late 1950’s and 60’s. The wives back then didn’t even have to work (lucky gals). They spent hours at the beauty parlor getting their nails polished or hair permed and sometimes even their eyebrows plucked. Then about 2 in the afternoon, they began tossing down highballs with two or three little red pills to “get them in the mood” while their cute horny hubbies with their slicked back Don Draper hair chatted about women with big breasts and chortled among themselves on the front porch.


It makes me sad to think we can’t turn back the clock. I mean who says we can’t we go back to that time? Donald Trump thinks we can. He’s sure never compromised. Seems he’s the top dog in his family with that beautiful wife and snow white blonde daughters who he would even date if he could. That just shows how much he loves them and what a true family man he is.

And let’s not forget our great American economy forged on the backs of White men working in offices late at night figuring out what numbers to push around and how to hide their taxes from the IRS. They built this country, for god’s sake. And they put the Coloreds and the Chinese and the Irish and Italians and all the rest of the non Whites to work out of the goodness of their hearts. And their love of this great land of ours named America. They could have hired robots you know but they didn’t.


That says something about their patriotism and their love of humanity. And Donald Trump is just like a Don Draper at his very heart. He knows how to make money and do the deal and sell us all something we don’t really need but he does it because he loves this country. He and I and a lot of other regular folks believe if you elect him President he will get America on its feet again and make it all work like the fine ticking non-digital analog timepiece it once was. Like a Rolex or a Bulova or Timex. Which are sadly now made in China or Indonesia or some place over there.


Incidentally, when did everything get made in China? I don’t particularly even like fortune cookies and now everything I buy says Made In China. Where the hell is China any way? North? South? West of Dallas? How did this happen any way? Probably a dirty back room deal between those African American governors and senators in the US government and the Yellow Skinned people over there someplace.


My theory is they are secretly conspiring against the great Donald Draper Trump, I mean Trump, just Donald Trump. (Sometimes my mind can’t tell the difference between a character on a TV show and a real human being like President Trump. I’m not sure why. Maybe a Vitamin D deficiency? But isn’t Donald Trump a character on a TV show too? It’s all so confusing).

And while I’m analyzing the American economy, it seems to me that every middle class White household could afford a maid back then and why is that? Obviously they knew their place and took what was handed them as Negro servants and housemaids (HEY! don’t interrupt me, damn it with your PC rage. That happens to be what they were called back then and sometimes, they were even called Coloreds, so don’t shoot the messenger, okay? It’s history for cripes sake.) Any way Coloreds went about their daily chores, never complaining, cleaning up after the White families, sliding a coaster under each cocktail glass and accepting it when men didn’t even bother to use a coaster and left those white circles on the wooden coffee table. Is there even one recollection of them ever complaining? They had their jobs, they got their paychecks, didn’t they? They were very grateful let me tell you before uppity folks put big ideas in their heads and got them all riled up. Thinking they could be doctors or lawyers? Really? Come on. Isn’t that a stretch? Johnny Cochran excluded of course.


It was a picture perfect time to be alive for everyone. Future President Donald Trump believes very strongly we can and will return to that time. I’m counting on Donald because if we were really honest, all of us, we would admit out loud that WE WERE ALL A LOT SAFER BACK THEN from what everyone now calls “The Others.” We all know who the Others really are (not you and me if you get my drift.)

Donald will make a great President. We can finally just call a spade a spade once again when he is in office and everyone can finally relax about stupid words and “offending” people. We’ll be able to sling every slur at anyone we want wherever we want and no one will be offended because everyone will be laughing so hard. Just like Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinatra used to do on stage at The Sahara. Boy, THOSE were the days.


Thinking back when I was a kid, I still have vivid images that pop into my head. Good solid American images. Like Schwinn bikes and Pez containers and going to the drive-in with mom and dad. That bluish glow of flashing images coming from the giant screen as we navigated into our spot. The barely discernible chatting coming from the speaker boxes. The pesky gnats and mosquitos that left me with little red marks all over my hands and legs. Dad whacking us across the back of the skull to get us to settle down. And picking up my brother Sam’s baseball bat just as a warning that Dad could beat our heads in when he needed in order to let us know he was having trouble hearing the words coming from the Elvis Presley film.

Family. Those were good times. Remember them? Today you go into a restaurant for dinner and some screaming kid is ruining it for everyone but no one says anything because it’s “politically incorrect” to tell the little shit head to shut up. I think we should be allowed to dump a glass of water over kids’ heads. How fun is that? I bet under a Donald Trump Presidency a lot more screaming kids will get the crap beaten out of them and we can finally have some peace and quiet.

One last note: when I see those men and women today 2016 in Congress and on The Supreme Court working so hard to turn back the clock and bring us back to the 1950’s and 60’s before all the shit hit the fan, it makes me proud once again to be a White American woman. There was nothing wrong with great American traditions like segregation, gays in closets, straight marriages, back alley abortions, police abuse, child and animal punishment and in the case of animals, you could even eat them if you went too far! And global warming. Really? I happen to like a tropical environment. Adjust people! Stop being such wimps! And of course there’s the Big One; that which will not be named; the one that gets my tail spinning: nuclear war… because it does get a lot of folks very excited that we Americans can actually wipe everyone off the face of the planet. In this I think both Presidential candidates are clearly leading the way.


In the final analysis as you are making your choice in November, you know deep inside we need a White man back in office and considering Donald Trump had his own very successful reality TV show and it’s still on TV (isn’t it?) should be enough to convince you that if we want to go back to the way we were, he’s the one to do it. President Donald Trump. It has a certain ring to it, no? Is it the Donald part? Or the Trump? It’s a killer combination no matter what. And that image he paints: how can we resist it? A beautiful blue sky and a clean and glowing city on a hill standing on top of the millions of dead bodies of everyone else and Donald at the center, like a king or a god. It’s certainly within the realm of possibility. And that gives this blogger a high those men in Mad Men got every hour from their bottomless glasses of booze and from their women with their little red pills. That’s an America I can believe in. How about you?

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.